Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Getting to Choose

I question the timing in writing this post as I feel pretty exhausted after class. But, as with the lesson I am about to share, all it takes sometimes is a willing brain; even if it needs a little coaxing.

I did not feel good enough to attend class today, but I would have felt even worse if I missed it. The past two weeks has taken a lot out of me caring for my son and the lack of sleep and stress that came with it. It all came to a head around 1:30 this afternoon. As I continued my duties as father, I take every Wednesday off to have father son day, I tried to pace myself to get ready for the prospect of attending class.

When I am in class, I do not like to do things half assed, because the results for my development would be half assed. But I admit today after the warm up and technical portion of the class, I was ready to pack it up, go home, and sulk. I told my Professor that I wanted to sit out for the roll and he said "alright". So I sat down for about 3 seconds until he called the Blue Belt line up. I stood up and told him to put me in the rotation. He even let me choose my partner so I chose one of the two toughest fighters around my size in the class today. I got the second in my second roll... ;)

I fought and I suffered and I loved it. After class, I told professor that I felt like death. He said he would not let that happen and said that the feeling was only going to push the bar just a little farther. I regret saying that because I have been in worse physical situations. I wish someone would kick the drama out of me sometimes, because there is no place for it as I progress. None.

So that brings me to what I had to re-learn tonight, a reminder. I do not have to do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. I get to do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. If I feel ill, it would most likely be ego that stopped me from rolling, not the illness itself. If I get tapped, big deal, I still learn something. If I can stand on the mat, I should do everything I can to complete class because as Professor said, I will not die. And that is the best invitation to push the bar higher and higher. The best part is we get to choose to train!


P.S. Although I feel like crap, my mind feels good. And that outweighs the physical pain! Time to sleep.